Disappointment

Along with every day comes a new interesting set of challenges and obstacles. Some are as simple as whether or not I feel like working out on any given day, but other obstacles; like finding out that my chemo needs to be postponed for a week because my white blood counts are really low; are major disappointments. It means so many things to me; one more week added onto my chemo cycle's, more drugs to take to boost my white counts (drugs which make my bones ache), and the reality that this thing is bigger than my willpower.

So, my white counts are low. This is a result of the intense chemo my body has had to deal with over the past two weeks and a setback, only in that I will postpone my treatment by a week. The doctor's told me this has nothing to do with my outcome. that's a relief. It's still a bit unsettling. The drug they are giving me is a shot called Neupogen that will increase the production of white blood cells in my system. If this low of a blood count happens in about 30% of their patients, why not just make the shot part of the standard protocal? It makes you wonder. Especially when it postpones treatment. The side effects are bone pain. It feels like someone's crushing my bones. But, at least I know it's working, right? Not to mention I've been getting somewhat ansy being at home. I've never been really good with keeping still and relaxing. I always have to be doing something. It's pretty hard to do, and even harder when you feel completely 100%! I feel great, but if I don't relax this week it might effect my treatment further.

So, this is one of the many disappointments that i must face, but i'll make the most of it and learn that I need to focus on my health and getting better. I mean, how often do you get to sit around in your pajamas all day and learn spanish (that's right, i have my lessons lined up) and ponder life. of course, if the doctor says it's ok, I'll be back and running and doing yoga in no time. For today?. . . you can catch me at home. Oh, and my cell phone minutes are back! so, feel free to call anytime!